Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
