i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
