it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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