If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
