Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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