once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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