I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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