Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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