piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
