your parents love me but you hate me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
