you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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