The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
