Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
