Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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