i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my phone needs a breathalizer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
