im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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