Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
