she was so not down for the gang bang
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
