i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
