Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
