We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
