he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
