I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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