I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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