we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
