Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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