dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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