Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
