Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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