some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
