we have pet lesbian snakes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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