rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize