The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
