The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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