After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
