grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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