Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
