Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
