dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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