My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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