Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
