Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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