I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
