My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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