so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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