Dude my mom stole all your condoms
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
