You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
