drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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