Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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