While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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