so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
