You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
