If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
