im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
