SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
