I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
