She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
